幸福是甚麼？？？

這是孤單的滋味嗎？？？
難道我只是需要人陪嗎？？？
想起當初一個人過日子，有多麼自由自在。。。

而現在呢？ 怎麼回不到以前那個好日子？？？
都怪自己太天真吧。。。
結果最痛最傷心也只有自己。。。

我的幸福在那裡呢？？？

...

GoodBye....

Farewell....

GoodBye....

Farewell...

always make my heart cry....

How many more do I have to experience??????

This year of Rat........

It's just too much for me......

Rnqqnv....

H cn mns jmnv.....

Vgx cn h eddk rn rzc vgdm h khrsdm sn sghr rnmf.....

Rtbg eddkhmf....

H vnmcds vgx h gzud rtbg cddo rbzq nm lx gdzqs....

Qdldlaqhmf zkk vd vdms sgqntfg kzrs shld....

Qian Shan Wan Shui 千山萬水 - Jay Chou 周杰倫

Thoughts....

Stop Pestering ME!!!!!

I never was AND will NEVER be!!!!

I don't want to....

But...

It seems that I do not have a choice, do I????

I might regret it....

No... I am regretting it.....

Yes... I have to say that I AM!!!!

Yet....

Why should I stay still .....

When the sun has set and risen again???
When people just can't be bothered???

It's just a matter of time.....

Soon or later

It will definitely occur!!!!

So what is there to moan???

Why during this time????

It's always sad to think about the past.......

WHY???

WHY???

Why did it turn out this way????

MOST importantly why does it come to my mind during this time?????

Issshhhh.......

Perhaps it can't be helped.....

Things should not be that way if both parties have their commitments.

Which means something not right was going on.....

But then again.....

All the efforts and moments.......

What a waste....

Aigghhhh.....

I am still myself afterall.....

The part of me that I myself can't change...... Nor can anyone else......

Which is the reason that I always 自己吃虧.....

Weep....

I never knew that....

Seriously..... I didn't even notice it that time....

Mad? I was never and you should have figured that out.....

To me the word Anger almost never exists.....

I only and shall only live in disappointment and sorrow.....

You should have known that never will I take it on someone.....

Yet somehow I feel that this is what I need to do.....

Hoping, that one day you could think for others.....

that one day you would realise what I meant......

that one day you would think before you act.....

that one day you would have the courage to resolve a problem.....

I truly wish and believe you can do it.....

Please don't let me down again.....

This tree of agony will keep on growing within myself......

Until the day it stops....

When that day comes, I wish to see the flower of happiness and harmony blooms.....

One thing I want you to know....

You might not realise it, but I am still there for you......

I will be waiting.....

Until that day reveals itself....

Shock....

I was appalled when I found that out.....

Should have guessed it would turn out this way....

A definite answer....

Wish that didn't come true.....

Again I have done another mistake.....

Shouldn't have put too much expectation....

End up he failed and ruined everything.......

Still Immature....

Yet I shall do nothing now....

Let time play its par.....

Sometime in the future when the condition is right......

Things may change.....

Otherwise....





Let It Be....

Es passiert noch wieder....

Also heute gehe ich zu James, weil heute ist ihr Geburtstag und bekomme ich auch die Einladung.....
Er kommte zu mir während mein Geburtstag, also denke ich dass ich zu seinem gehen muss.

Aber dort.... fühle ich ganz langweilig.... traurig.... und einsam.....
Änliche wie läzte Woche......
Warum?
Das verstehe ich nicht.....

Niemand spricht zu mir..... vergess sprechen.... ich weiss auch nicht wenn sie mich noch kennen......

Freunde...... Wie heißt Freunde?

können wir noch alles wie alte zeit machen? Daran zweifel ich... Wirklich....

Holidays Part 3

Thursday, 2nd Oct

Part 3 of my holiday..... Not a good one I have to say....

It was a farewell dinner for Li Ping.... She's now off to the States, San Fransisco....
Li Ping..... met her last years..... BUT only the beginning of this year that we started talking and getting to know each other...... Not even a year and *boom* there it goes...... gone....

Short but memorable.... She's like a mentor (dats the most appropriate word?) to me.... know her for only a while and frankly I don't even knoe how we started to get along dat well.... I mean we've met each other for like 1. 5 years? BUT we never talked to one another until the beginning of this year.... Isn't that just weird?

Cause, Condition, Effect....... sometimes they are just unpredictable....


What a year.... Never had I so many parting before.....

First, Jue Guan Shi Fu
Second, Hao Sheng
Third, Lay Leng
Then, Ya Ling
Now, Li Ping
Who's next?

It's tough.....

有緣千里來相會, 無緣對面手難牽

Perhaps it's true.....

Ein Trauriger Geburtstag....

Heute ist mein Geburtstag......

Sie kommten zu mir

Aber.....

Warum bin ich sehr traurig????

das verstehe ich nicht....

wenn ich an ihm denken..... bin ich trauriger und trauriger......

Diese traurigkeit...... Warum?

Es geht nicht......

Ich weiß nicht, was soll es bedeuten,
Daß ich so traurig bin,
Ein Märchen aus alten Zeiten,
Das kommt mir nicht aus dem Sinn.
Die Luft ist kühl und es dunkelt,
Und ruhig fließt der Rhein;
Der Gipfel des Berges funkelt,
Im Abendsonnenschein.

What's Wrong?

What's wrong with the 1987 Rabbits?

Is it only a coincidence or .... ?

So far FOUR of my friends faced a problem similar to mine.... Erhhmmm If dats how you address it..... lol

What's wrong people?

><

QAS...

Open Your Eyes

And

See For Yourself

壓力....

三世因果不負人......

懺悔.....

懺悔.....

Haiizzzz,,,,

Feel like am having Malaise....

Wish I could just rest in peace.....

Seriously feel like Shit.... Excuse my speech...

Why at such time?

What to do?

Who is there for me?

Pitying myself.... Talking to myself....

Tiada

Pesta

Yang

Tak

Usai

Hope and Believe...

Been contemplating AGAIN.... these few days... haha eventually I come out with some reasons explaining the way I do things....

I tend to keep problem to myself.... Since, I will be the only one to solve the problem and noone else would fall into the water with me...

I prefer not to let the opposite know, as this will create more trouble and dragging the simple stuff into more complicated one....

I don't usually tell them, because I am confident that I alone am able to work it out...

I would rather do it myself, so that the people, whom the problem may concern, don't have to worry about these stuffs...

Speaking stuffs out to them would make things going the hardway between us, thus might distort our relations even more....

Now that I have told them, these stuffs would need us to work together and do our parts to be solved..... which may or may not be favourable....

When one of us do not do it precisely, it may hinder the healing process or even reduce everything built so far to ashes... What I fear most is that, it might harm our friendship.... which will absolutely freak me out....

If everyone of us are willing to do it without being obliged, however, things may turn out to be even better than they were previously.... The flowers from the friendship tree may bloom.... Everyone would cherish...

Too bad that I am not a risk taker.... I would prefer playing safe...

But yea... since all have been said and done..... I just have to do my part and put my faith unto them.... hoping that the latter will reveal itself.....

Why does it have to be this way?

It hurts because I feel close to you
It makes me sad because you are all I've got and sadder to know that I was betrayed and left by you, whom I truly consider as friends
It depresses me because I was never part of you after all


My other friends have their own uni stuff to do
Even though most of them are in the same uni, as far as I concern, rarely do they get as close as they were previously
They have their own goals to reach
Consequently, they spend more time with their own circle of friends from their faculties because they hold the same dream
And I believe this is reasonable since they see each other everyday, it shall make them closer and thus they share all their joys and hardships, which makes their friendship grow
We do catch up with each other, though it's only once in a blue moon....
not as often as I see you, but then it allows me to appreciate and honour my friends as they are... We didn't see each other often, yet we still could catch up.
And I cherish that, even though one of us will be leaving Mel to reach out to her dreams...
Indeed you may argue you want to see your other fren coz you don't see them as much as your uni fren...
BUT the question is, can you nurture both of them equally?
Look at what happened during the last holidays....
You don't even bother...
You can't possibly make a copy of yourself, or cut yourself into two, can you?
I don't know what you all think, but for me it's impossible to do such things
Yes, mingle with your other friends and see if your friends hang around with their uni friends as much as they do with you
CORRECT me if I am wrong!!!


Thinking of this leaves a deeper and deeper scar in my heart
After all it never exists
Such thing you called as our friendship never exists at all
You are taking me for granted
You set up a barrier between your friends
You only come to me because you still need me
Don't talk about brother
You never do such things to your brother at all....
Say I am WRONG.... dare you...
Look at how you interact with your other friends
if dats what a friend is...
Then what am I to you?
You don't treat me as you treat them
So it's clear that I never was your friend, was I?


True that I may have different interests from you
But that is not a reason to segregrate ourselves apart from studying
Assuming that I won't go ... a very likely answer to such a statement
Yet still there is no harm to ask, is there?
People may change their mind
Interest to a particular stuff doesn't grow instantaneously
It's due to support from people around you that it develops...
You learn to like it.
Did you even bother to ask? You don't
Argue with me...
Why didn't I take the initiative to do so?
I did... but wat was your response? Everytime I do so... what did I get?
Rejection.... Do you even know how it feels to be rejected?
I DO!!! and thus I try my best not to let you experience the same things
But in the end.... what?

Chances... you talk about chances....
they are always there yet you fail to seize them
Just to let you know, you've let another one pass by
Looking at how things go at the moment....
I don't think it will work....
A reminder, I am not taking back what I've said this time
Come what may
If that's how it is supposed to end, I will gladly accept it
It makes no difference anyhow
even though I may lose the battle.... at least I don't lose any more resources
You've won.....

Sadness keeps on seducing me
I don't even have the motivation to do anything
I have never been in such despair and anger before
I didn't ask much
loyal, caring and giving a sense of belonging
they are all common sense...
but which one are you?
Don't tell me you care for someone because there is a problem
if you really care, you shouldn't have let the trouble happen


This pain and agony.... after all I've said is still mine to bear...
You've won...
Needless to say.... I am the one suffering here myself....
Nevertheless, I should give you my gratitude for showing me how naive myself is.....

Decision....

It hurts....
What shall I do?
Shall I keep on persevering?
But, it's unbearable.....

It can't be healed....
I've tried to do so thrice....
It still persists....
Shall I chuck it into the bin then?

Nasib

Sepi....
Senyap....
Sunyi....
Seakan menghantui diriku...

Saat Badai mengamuk....
Aku menjadi tameng dan pedang....
Saat Hujan mengguyur...
Aku menjadi payung...

Saat Badai reda...
Apa nasibku?
Saat Hujan berhenti...
Adakah orang masih menghargai payungnya?

Dijunjung dan Dicampakkan...
Bak Ombak menghanyutkan perahu...
Cahaya rembulan pudar dimakan awan
Bagaikan Sang surya meratapi hidupnya

Sigh....

What is this feeling?

I don't understand.....

What is going on here?

Why do I feel this way?

....